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Parenting to Raise Resilient & Socially Intelligent Children

CNBC Saturday March 19, 2022 10:30AM EDT “A psychologists says parents who raise resilient, socially intelligent kids always do 5 things during ‘hard times’” by Roni Cohen-Sandler

Check CNBC.COM for all the details

Summary by 2244

The author, a psychologist and expert in adolescent development, notes that most parents fall short currently in helping their children validate that what they are “thinking and feeling is normal and okay.” The process of validation is simply letting your child know that you hear what they are telling you about their feelings etc. and that you understand and accept that. It’s not that you condone or accept their feelings.

How to help your child validate what’s happening?

“Normalize experiences”

Friendships for all of us are important but we need to let children know that they all have their ups and downs. "No friendship is perfect." Friendships help children “develop important life skills…getting along with other people and solving conflicts.”

“Provide physical comfort”

Rather than, as a parent, jumping into a dialogue about a distressing problem as one fifth grader put it “‘When I’m sad, I just need you [the parent] to give me a big hug and say, “Yeah, that really sucks, It’s awful.” The author even comments that while providing physical reassurance, this also gives the child time to collect his/her thoughts before they let you in on what's concerning to them.

“Teach that quality tops quantity”

When it comes to friendship, fewer quality relationships-that “are loyal, trustworthy and supportive” are better than having more/many superficial/social-media friends. More important than being "popular," having “at least one strong, healthy friendship predicts both good school performance and psychological well-being (e.g., high self esteem and less anxiety).”

“Focus on the positives”

All of us and especially kids may “dwell on one social slight or disappointment” in a moment but best to reduce our distress by “refocusing…on [their/our] most recent triumphs and pleasures.” The bigger picture!

“Provide hope”

Provide reassurance to your child, when they are struggling, that “it will not last forever. Things will get better.” Especially in social settings, in time their peers will mature and in general, what “they can control is how they act in socially challenging situations.” Looking back, a high school senior reflected on “eventually learning to shrug off and move on from peer conflicts.”


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