Focus on Your Relationship's Strengths-Eight Pillars of Good Relationships

Psychology Today November/December 2021 pp49 “The Underappreciated Sources of Relationship Strength” By Gary Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D.


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Summary by 2244





There can be moments in a relationship where we ruminate on its “imperfections” that are vastly outweighed by its “strengths.” We should focus on appreciating “those peaceful, drama-free, status-quo moments” afforded by having “pillars [characteristic] of healthy relationships.


What are the pillars?


“You can be yourself” “You and your partner accept each other for who you are; you don’t try to change each other.”


“You are BFFs” Successful romantic relationships that “value friendship emphasize emotional support, intimacy, affection, and maintaining a strong bond.”


“You feel comfortable and close” Even when vulnerable you trust “sharing feelings…and being emotionally intimate”


“You are more alike than different” especially in “key areas of similarity..”


“Your partner makes you a better person” “Your partner helps you refine….by supporting your choices for self growth.”


“You share the power” Each partner may have specialties/roles in the relationship but the key is sharing “decision-making, power and influence in the relationship.”


“The partners are fundamentally good.” …”reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent.”


“You trust each other” …”our partner has our best interests in mind and will be there for us”